Dear Loki

My Sweetest Boy,

Dad just called. He has the funniest way of telling me bad news. He told me that last night you had passed away. I knew it was coming, so I thought I would have been able to handle it a bit better than I am. He told me you were curled up next to him, like you always are, watching TV with him. You went to sleep and you just...didn't wake up. I waited until I had hung up the phone before I started to sob and my heart is breaking as I type this.

I remember the day I got you. You were the loudest one in the cage, yowling above all of your brothers and sisters. I wasn't sure if you were the one for me until you started to climb the walls of the cage to get to me. I knew then and there that you were the one for me. You were so tiny and cute, with your tiger stripes and great big eyes. I remember how calm you were on the ride home. You barely cried, which is unusual for a cat. You were content to just take it all in. Little did I know then that you would be quite the trouble-maker when you got older.

Your first night at home, you got stuck behind the mattress and couldn't figure out how to get back out from it. It was one of the cutest things I have ever seen, even until this day. The expression of sheer confusion on your tiny face was so precious.

I remember when you had your claws taken out. You just laid on the bed, with that same bewildered expression, staring at your paws. I remember your meow. You were always so demanding when you wanted attention, the loud yowls and yaps that came out of you were so distinct. I remember you and Dad seeming to have conversations with one another. You loved when people talked to you. You would talk right back and then head-butt them to demand they pet you.

You had more personality than any cat I have ever had. It was extremely hard to leave you with Dad when I moved out, but I figured it was for the best since you loved Dad so much. That was the only home you had ever known and to rip you away from it would have been cruel. But you always knew me when I came home.

The last time I saw you was right before Christmas. You were so weak but you still came to see me. You tried to meow at me but it didn't quite come out right. My heart broke when I saw how skinny you had become because you had ceased to eat. You had always been a tank of a cat, so to see you that way ripped my heart out. I remember you wanting to get on the couch with me and you snuggling up to me, the way you always did.

I'm so grateful that I got to see you one last time before you said goodbye to us mere mortals. I'm so grateful I was able to pet you and snuggle with you one last time. I'm so grateful you hung on for that long. Some small part of me thinks that you hung on to see me, but I'm sure that's just the wishful thinking of a grieving heart. But either way, I am grateful.

I will miss you, my sweet tank kitty. I will miss your smell, your meows, and your head-butts.

Love Always,
Momma