On Faith...

Over the years, I have been on a constant search for something that moves me, in a religious sense. Something inside of me has this yearning to feel something bigger than myself. I have always known that it exists, I just have never been able to put my finger on it. Lately, I have had an even stronger urge to find my faith, I suppose. I had an interesting discussion with a friend of mine about faith. They were so passionate about what they felt about God that it truly moved me.

Sometimes, when I get bogged down in my life, when my heart hurts and my soul cries, I look skyward and ask "Why?". I find myself standing outside, where I feel closest to whatever it is that is out there, and just letting myself be. I want to find that calm within myself to be able to listen to what it has to say to me. I think that's the time when people truly hear what needs to be heard. That time of peace and calm that is so hard to come by in this day and age.

I know it's hard for someone like me who questions everything to take certain things on faith. I so desperately want to. I yearn for it and I want to feel that connection with something so much greater than myself. I want to have that kind of relationship that some of my friends do.

I don't believe things happen by chance. I have always felt that things happen for a reason and things are placed in your path when they are supposed to be. So perhaps this yearning I feel and this desperate wanting to find my faith is God's way of telling me something. I just need to figure out what it is.

You always hear about people saying that they felt God calling to them and that was what brought them to Him. Up until now, I thought that was a bunch of hogwash. But now...now I'm starting to rethink that former opinion of mine. I think there is only so much research you can do and there are only so many books you can read before it truly comes down to that proverbial leap of faith.

I think it may be time for me to take that leap....

-A