I Am Enough

My friend Fallon, who I love and adore, sent me this link the other day to watch a talk given by Dr. Brene Brown.

Vulnerability

She speaks about why it is that we make do NOT make ourselves vulnerable. Basically, that we numb everything so people will not think us weak or small. And do you know, I thought she was speaking directly to ME? I was all "Hey Mrs. Brown! I didn't know you knew me! How odd." and gave a little wave at the computer screen.

In the past I have mentioned that I have a hard time expressing myself and letting myself show weakness or vulnerability. It's just the way I'm wired. So, listening to her speak was rather interesting, especially the very last part. She said that the best thing we can do to NOT numb ourselves is to tell ourselves that "I am Enough". That part, right there, was what really stuck a chord in me. Could it be that I am not the only one who struggles with the thoughts of "I am not enough..."?

Because I do. All the time.

It has always been my biggest fear and has always been my deep down most awful thought about myself - that I am not enough nor will I ever be. I think because I have, in the past, based so much of my identity on who I was in a relationship with that when they ended, I ended up feeling terribly inadequate and lost. Basically, I told myself that I just wasn't enough and I never would be. It's that terrible self-talk that can really screw you up.

To steal a line from a movie - "All the real, long-term damage, I've done to myself".

And I think that's true for a lot of people. People seem to be hard-wired to look at themselves in a negative light. Most people just cannot see what others see. My mother is a prime example. She can be so negative about herself that she forgets to look at the amazing person she is. She has this huge, giving heart that I can only one day HOPE to mirror. And yet...she doesn't see that. But I do. I see how she cares about people and what good she does for them. She thinks of things that I never would to help people. If she could tell herself "I am enough" and actually start to believe that, wow. Just wow.

So, I'm going to start trying to say that to myself from now on. Because I need to. I may not be perfect, but I most certainly am enough.

-A