1. I will try to take joy in the small things in my life. This past year I have had trouble finding joy in the small things that surround me. I haven’t stopped to look around and say “Wow…this isn’t so bad”. It’s something I have always been able to do but it got a little lost this year. However, slowly I am starting to be able to do that again. It’s easier to laugh and to smile than it has been for a long time.
2. I will try to focus more on my well being, both mental and physical. This past year I have noticed that I focused more on what was going on AROUND me rather than what was going on WITH me. I have found that to be an unhealthy way to live my life. So, this coming year I will try to look inward more often and get in touch with myself a lot more (don’t be dirty...sickos). I need to be able to understand when I start withdrawing from the world and when I’m staying inside my own head too much. It’s something I have always struggled with.
3. I will try to express myself more. I tend to keep my cards very close to the chest when it comes to what I feel or think. Sometimes this is a good thing, but more often than not, it turns out to be something detrimental to me. I have gotten burned so badly in the past for being open about how I feel that it has caused me to be very reserved in my relationships with people. However, this coming year I will try to let down the walls some and let people in. Because if you don't let people in, you could be missing out on something or someone truly wonderful. And Lord knows, everyone needs something wonderful in their life. I know I do.
4. I will try to spend more time with my family. This last year I didn’t spend that much time with my family, and I regret that. I am so lucky to have the wonderful parents that I do. They have been unwavering in their support of me and I feel like I may have taken that for granted a bit this year. That stops. I will try to go down to The Villages every other month or so to see my father and spend time with him. He has been such a wonderful father to me and has always given me his quiet strength. He will never know or understand how much that means to me. I will try to make my weekly visits with my mom a concrete thing, not just a “maybe” thing. As much as she drives me crazy, I would be lost without my mother. She is the one person on this planet who knows me inside and out. No one else gets me the way my mom does. Whether she knows it or not, she is my BEST friend. I can tell her anything and I know she won’t judge me. They always say that a mother’s love is unconditional, but my mom embodies it. She beats herself up for such minor things and forgets to focus on what an amazing woman and mother she is. So this coming year, I will try my best to make sure I remind her of that. I will try to spend more time with my extended family as well. Recently, my cousin Kristina and I (hi Krissy!) have reconnected after many years and I feel like I have found a friend in her. She and I, despite growing up and not getting to know one another, are remarkably similar. We even make the same facial expressions. Bizarre. I want to have that family unit that we didn’t have when we were kids. I want to play with her adorable son and have him know who I am. Hell, it’s the closest I’ll ever come to being an aunt so I want that little spud to recognize me! Family is all you have left, in the end.
Now, for the things I have accomplished and learned this year:
1. I learned to be an independent woman. For years my identity had been that of whoever I was in a relationship with. However, this year has taught me to find out who I am and build from that. I learned to stand on my own two feet and be ok with that. I learned how to NOT constantly lean on others for my emotional well-being and to start building myself up. I am proud of how I handled the things thrown my way and I learned how strong I truly am.
2. I found a job I truly, truly love, and I've never been able to say that before. I love pretty much everything about my job. I never get up in the morning dreading what kind of day I will be having. My boss is an awesome guy who actually cares about his employees (all two of us) and gives the legal profession a very good name. I adore my co-worker to bits and I really find fulfillment in helping people when they need it most. It breaks my heart sometimes to watch them come in, most of them looking like they’ve just been hit in the face and didn’t see it coming. I love that, in some small way, I am making things better for them.
3. I learned to not LOOK for things. Because when you are looking for things, it can often-times blow up in your face. Some things should best be left to the Grand Design. I have found that if you just sit back and allow things to happen, they do. And most of the time, it’s totally not in the way you were expecting. I have always believed that things have a way of working out how they are supposed to. It’s sort of a family belief, actually. Both of my parents have always told me that. And more and more, I am finding that to be the case. On this same token, I have learned that I cannot control everything in my life. Sometimes, things are just out of my hands, which was a tough lesson for me to learn, considering I can be a bit of a control freak. Yes, that was a hard pill to swallow. But I found that by just…letting go that I could be a lot happier. Now, granted, there are some things which I am still freakishly controlled about. But for the most part, I have loosened up quite a bit and learned to start accepting things as they come at me.
I went through a lot this year. It has truly been a roller-coaster for me. And anyone who knows me knows that I despise roller coasters (well, Space Mountain and Thunder Mountain Railroad are ok). But through all it’s ups and down (and there were PLENTY) I seem to have come out of it with most of my sanity intact, and that is fine by me. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and I have learned one hell of a lot. And how can one learn unless one screws up from time to time? So, that being said, here’s to a New Year and New Beginnings!
Cheers!
-A
Where is the "Like" button on this thing?
ReplyDeleteHahaha
ReplyDelete