Wherein I Explain My Neurosis...

So, in a previous post I touched on E-Coli. Now, for those of you who know me, you know that I have always been a little bit more than neurotic about strange and rare diseases. I remember when it started. I was watching a Discovery Channel special with my friend Lisa about an outbreak of E-Coli from a brand of juice that, until that point, had refused to be pasteurized. Apparently some deer did it's business on the fruit they used, hence, E-Coli. Kids died. Very tragic.

I'm not sure what it was that clicked in my head, but from that point on, I was CONVINCED I had E-Coli. I just KNEW it. Deep down to my core. Now, mind you, I had absolutely no symptoms whatsoever. But I knew it was there, biding it's time. Waiting for me.

I can't make this stuff up, people. I'm not that creative, I assure you.

So, as time went by, I had truly convinced myself that I had this terrible bacteria in my system, plotting against me. I would get so hysterical I would call up my Sainted mother at 2:00am and bemoan my existence until she assured me that I did NOT have E-Coli.

After awhile, I slowly started to understand that I did not, in fact, have E-Coli. However, whenever I would get sick, I would look up my symptoms on WebMD. Now, are you folks familiar with WebMD? I have nothing against this very informative website, nothing whatsoever. However, should you have the inclination to look up any symptoms you might have, be prepared to see CANCER....and DEATH listed as possible causes for whatever ails you.

Most rational people are able to discern that these two options are more than likely not probable causes of their illness. However, people like me, who have...shall we say...overactive imaginations, tend to jump to the WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIO WHEREIN WE THINK WE WILL DIE.

Hi! Still there??

So, after a few of these episodes where I called my blessed mother, shrieking and crying that I had cancer and was going to die, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to Google my symptoms. Ever. Because, as I have said, the internet will invariably tell you that you are going to DIE. And, as we all know, everything you read on the internet is absolutely true....

This then trickled down into my not being allowed to read side effects on the backs of pill bottles, over the counter medications, etc. Why, do you ask? Well, you guessed it! I would start to fret about having said side-effects.

Someone help me...

Fair warning: the following paragraph will contain way TMI, so skip if you aren't into...fluids...

Anyhow, the one time this system backfired on me was when I had my first UTI (sorry! I told you it was TMI!). You know those lovely little pills you buy over the counter that help with the pain? Well, my mother informed me that I was to buy those and take them immediately. So, being the dutiful daughter I am, I went right out and bought me those little pills.

And I didn't read the side-effects...much to my detriment...

So, as these little pain-killing gems are wont to do, they turned my pee (Sorry!!!) bright BRIGHT orange. I was HORRIFIED. I thought death had finally come for me in the form of highlighter orange pee. I just KNEW it. So, what did I do? Well, I called my blessed, saintly mother and shrieked that I was going to DIE because I had highlighter orange pee. And then that woman had the gall to ask me:

"Well, didn't you read the back of the box that warns this might happen?"

"Uhm...no?"

"Why not?!"

"Because you told me not to!!"

"The one time you actually listen to your mother...yeesh"

The above described events took place about five or six years ago. I'm much better now. However, what I have come to realize is this: my entire FAMILY suffers from this in one form or another. My grandmama was CONVINCED she had cancer. My mother: CANCER. Me: CANCERDEATHE-COLI. So at least I come by my neurosis honestly.

But like I said, I'm much better. I have also realized that all this was precipitating my bout with anxiety, which is a whole different post, haha! Now, I can look at the backs of pill boxes without scaring myself half to death with thoughts of the dire consequences that might happen.

I still can't Google though. I'm sorry, but the internet telling me I'm going to DIE is just one little piece of the pie I could do without.

-A