Dearest Hiney,
I need you to know that my losing weight had nothing to do with you. Nothing whatsoever. I wanted you to stay. I needed you to stay. But you left me without so much as a "goodbye". All of sudden, one morning, I woke up and you just weren't there anymore. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? How confused and astonished I was to realize you were no longer there? At all?
I miss you.
You were always there, making sure my pants fit correctly. You filled them out in a way nothing else could. And now...now I am left with pants that no longer look right.
They sag.
SAG!
I am suffering from the worst case of noassatall disease known to man. You have left me here to suffer through my genetic curse of having no hiney. How could you do that to me?
It's gotten so bad I have seriously considered buying something that will boost what little hiney you left me with into something that resembles a booty. Not this flat, no man's land that I now have to call an ass.
Do you see what you have reduced me to?
Well, do you???
I promise, I will do whatever it takes for you to come back, even in some small way. I'll do squats, lunges, kickbacks, ANYTHING. Just say you'll give me a chance to make things right between us.
I never want to be without you again.
Love Always,
Ash
Yes!!! Genius!!!!
ReplyDeleteDistinguished researchers at major medical centers have discovered a cure for the dreaded condition known as "bootylessness", This is based on a series of double blind trials including thousands of patients in search of the optimal booty. The consensus of the researchers, to be published in scientific journals this month, is that the cure for lack of booty is:
ReplyDeleteEAT SOMETHING!
Me thinks I detect sarcasm here....
ReplyDelete