Random

Here's some random thoughts that are plowing through my brain right at this particular moment:

1. I just hit my knee and my funny bone within minutes of each other. Minutes. Not hours or days. Minutes. Friends, I am so freakin' clumsy it's not even funny. For example: A few months ago I was having a really good self-esteem day. You know those days where you just KNOW you look good. Those don't happen for me often, but when they do, whoa buddy. Anyhow, I was wearing a little black dress, tights and these cute high heels with black satin bows on them. Hmm...as I describe them, they don't sound all that cute. But they are! Trust me! Anyhow, a client came in and I went to go get my boss to let him know that one of his appointments had arrived. As I'm walking, one heel catches in one of the bows and I face-plant on the ground, legs sprawling into the air, one shoe flying for freedom. All in front of this client. Bless his heart, he didn't laugh. Although, I sure as hell would have! All I can say about that is thank God I was wearing tights.

2. I'm kind of a water snob. I won't drink tap water. Unless it's filtered. I don't trust it and I don't like having to wonder what those teeny little floaty bits are in my water. So I drink bottled water. Yes, I'm one of THOSE people. Ruining the planet and all that stuff. Anyhow. I will really only drink Smart Water. Would you like to know why? I'll tell you! Not because it tastes better than other water (which it does). Not because it has electrolytes (which it does). No, friends, I drink Smart Water because they have funny little blurbs on them. And pictures of sea creatures inside the bottle.

Someone help me.

3. I never eat left-over take-out food. Never. Ever. It will sit in my fridge for YEARS if I let it. I always plan to eat it but then that neurotic little part of my brain kicks into over-drive and I start imagining all the lovely little critters that have started to grow on my food. You know them! Salmonella? E-Coli (don't even get me started on e-coli)? Yes, those lovely little nasties. I could nuke the bejesus out of that food and I would still look at it suspect. I just can't help myself. I think it runs in my family...but that's another blog post.

4. I hate my fingers. I truly do. Wait, let me preface this one. I have a thing with hands. I look at people's hands and admire them or find them disturbing. One of the two. E, for example, has the best hands on a man that I have ever seen. There's just something about them that makes me swoon and fan myself, whilst muttering "Well I do declare, Mr. Beauregard!" (feel free to gag and run away. It's cool, I understand). I could just stare at his hands, and his mouth, all day long if he would let me. But he would probably think I'm psychotic and gag and run away. Rightfully so. But I digress. Back to my fingers. I dislike them. I have these tiny little hands with these little vienna sausage fingers. Carny hands, as my lovely friends like to call them. (carny folk - small hands, smell of cabbage, but I don't smell of cabbage...at least I hope not). I have always hated them. My friends have these long, pretty little delicate fingers and I'm over here with the midget man-hands. *sigh* It's a burden...

5. I'm going to rant a little here. Ladies on my floor in the building - this one's for you. We all share the same three-stall bathroom. And there are a lot of us on this floor. That nice smelling spray in the bathroom is there for a REASON. I understand we all have our days. I understand that perhaps that fourth taco from last night was probably not the best idea you've ever had. BUT COME ON! There is no reason whatsoever for you to leave the bathroom smelling that way. If I have to turn right back around after getting hit with a wave of foulness when I walk through the door, there's a problem there. Please, oh please, use the spray. For everyone's sake. You know who you are....I bet you were the one who misspelled "lift" on that sign. Aren't you?? I knew it. Bad speller AND bathroom bomber. Is there no end to your depravity???? I mean..honestly..

Hi! Still there? Awesome. 

I think that's all for now.

-A